We’ve all been there—you’re out having fun, the drinks are flowing, and suddenly your phone looks like it’s calling your name louder than the karaoke machine.
One wrong swipe later and boom—you’re sending drunk texts that belong in a museum of comedy. Luckily, instead of cringing about them, why not laugh and make puns out of it?
Drunk texting puns and jokes are the ultimate recipe for fun: they’re perfect for Instagram captions, hilarious for group chats, and even better when you’re telling funny travel stories.
Whether you’re sipping wine in Italy, downing pints in London, or just chilling at home in the USA with a margarita, these jokes will keep you giggling.
Get ready for 146+ witty, clean, and globally shareable drunk texting puns and jokes that you can whip out anytime—sober or tipsy. Warning: reading this list may cause uncontrollable laughter… and the urge to text your ex “U up?” (Don’t do it).
🍸 Did You Know?
The first recorded “drunk text” dates back to the 1990s, when people began sending messages after a night out on the early SMS system.
Today, “drunk texting” is such a universal experience that researchers have studied it as a social bonding ritual. Yep—science says drunk texts bring us closer together. Cheers to that!
Hilarious Drunk Texting Puns & Captions 😂
- I only text my ex when my drink says “spirits told me so.”
- My phone has more wine stains than my carpet.
- If drunk texting was an Olympic sport, I’d be gold-medaling.
- Siri blocked me after 3 cocktails.
- I don’t drunk text—I just send emotional novels with no punctuation.
- My thumbs go rogue after tequila.
- Love at first sip, regret at first send.
- Drunk texts are just liquid courage in text form.
- “Text responsibly” should be on every wine bottle.
- My autocorrect is tipsy too.
- Every drunk text is just a sober wish with bad spelling.
- If drunk texts could vote, they’d always pick “Send.”
- My drunk texts deserve their own Netflix series.
Snappy Drunk Texting One-Liner Jokes
- I told my phone “take me drunk, I’m home.”
- Drunk texting: because sober me is too shy.
- My liver’s mad, my phone’s madder.
- If drunk texting were a language, I’d be fluent.
- “I miss you” hits harder after two cocktails.
- Autocorrect and vodka don’t mix.
- My battery drains faster than my pint glass.
- Tequila makes me text like Shakespeare.
- Hangovers are just drunk texts for your body.
- I type with one eye closed for accuracy.
- Exes block me, but wine unblocks my courage.
- Drunk texts are just love notes in blurry font.
- Beer makes the heart text fonder.
Quick & Short Drunk Texting Puns for Fast Laughs
- Text-a-colada.
- Rum and done.
- iDrunkOS.
- T9: Tequila Nine.
- Booze-tooth.
- Sip and send.
- Dial-a-drink.
- Margarita messaging.
- Whiskey Wi-Fi.
- Typo-tonic.
- Vodka-vision.
- Champagne-send.
- Sip-sync.
Clever Drunk Texting Wordplay for Instagram 📸
- Just wine-d up and texted my boss by accident.
- Sorry for the brew-tal typos.
- I send better love letters after lager.
- Texts fueled by mojitos are my memoirs.
- Current status: intoxi-texting.
- Keyboard drunk, but heart honest.
- Merlot made me do it.
- Texts and tonics go hand in hand.
- Caption powered by cocktails.
- Autocorrect: drunk’s worst wingman.
- Liquid courage = unlimited texting.
- Mood: tipsy typing.
- Selfies blurry, texts blurrier.
The Best Drunk Texting Jokes & Wordplays Ever
- My drunk texts deserve grammar therapy.
- Who needs love letters when you’ve got IPA emails?
- Drunk texts: free stand-up comedy in your inbox.
- I told my phone “I’m over them”… then texted them anyway.
- Wine is my ghostwriter.
- My drunk texts are sponsored by regret.
- If autocorrect could drink, it would apologize.
- My drunk texts have more typos than a toddler’s homework.
- Beer goggles for texting.
- Exes love me more after 2 a.m.
- Screenshots: the receipts of my tipsy brain.
- “New phone, who dis?”—every ex after my margaritas.
- Cocktail keyboard warrior.
Witty Drunk Texting Puns That Slay on Social Media
- This is your drunk text talking, not me.
- I’m on a sip-and-send plan.
- Vodka powered, typo approved.
- My drunk texts have their own fan club.
- Proofread by Pinot Noir.
- Rum service delivered my texts.
- My Wi-Fi is tipsier than me.
- Every text is just happy hour in letters.
- Hangovers last a day, screenshots last forever.
- Sip happens, send happens.
- My emojis slur after tequila.
- Cabernet made me call you.
- My keyboard needs rehab.
Clean & Family-Safe Drunk Texting Jokes for All Ages 👨👩👧
- Why did the phone go to rehab? Too many shots.
- Why don’t drunk texts ever graduate? They fail spelling class.
- Why did the emoji blush? Too many tipsy texts.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Vodka. Vodka who? Vodka lot of typos!
- Why did the phone cross the bar? To get better reception.
- Why do drunk texts love jokes? They’re always punchy.
- Why was the phone grounded? Too many “u up”s.
- What do you call drunk Wi-Fi? High spirits.
- Why do keyboards hang out in bars? They like the space bar.
- Why don’t drunk texts win debates? They lose their case.
- What’s a drunk phone’s favorite button? Send.
- Why do drunk texts love hugs? They need support.
- Why are drunk texts like balloons? Fun until they pop up later.
Punny Drunk Texting Quotes That’ll Make You Giggle
- “Text drunk, edit never.”
- “A sober text is just a drunk text in disguise.”
- “Wine makes words flow, whiskey makes them flood.”
- “If you can’t text something nice, text something funny.”
- “Tequila turns autocorrect into auto-wreck.”
- “The phone is mightier than the pint.”
- “Beer before text, never regret.”
- “I text, therefore I am tipsy.”
- “Vodka is the ink of my messages.”
- “A message sent drunk is a truth set free.”
- “Sip first, type later.”
- “Love is temporary, drunk texts are forever.”
- “My best novels are written after cocktails.”
Travel-Friendly Drunk Texting Puns for Tourists ✈️
- Paris is always a good idea—unless you text your ex there.
- Rome wasn’t texted in a day.
- London fog makes for blurry texts.
- Tequila + Tulum = texting trouble.
- What happens in Vegas gets texted anyway.
- Drunk in Dublin, texts included.
- My Eiffel Tower selfies come with typos.
- Santorini sunsets, Santorini texts.
- Prague bars, Prague paragraphs.
- New York: the city that never sleeps… because of drunk texts.
- Tokyo karaoke and tipsy DMs.
- Barcelona sangria + keyboard = chaos.
- Cancun cocktails, Cancun captions.
Silly, Sassy & Bold Drunk Texting Puns
- Texts drunk, sass sober.
- Tequila told me to press send.
- Bold letters, bolder cocktails.
- Sassy thumbs, tipsy brain.
- Vodka doesn’t ask permission.
- Drunk texts don’t whisper, they shout.
- Saucy like sangria.
- Keyboard diva.
- Shots fired, texts sent.
- Drama delivered via wine.
- Text loud, laugh louder.
- My cocktail came with extra boldness.
- Whiskey texts speak louder than sober thoughts.
Famous Sayings With a Drunk Texting Twist
- To text or not to text, that is the tequila.
- When life gives you lemons, text your ex.
- A penny for your sober thoughts, a pint for your drunk texts.
- All’s well that ends with autocorrect.
- Drunk text in haste, regret at leisure.
- Better late-night than never.
- Curiosity killed the text thread.
- You miss 100% of the texts you don’t send.
- Speak now or text forever hold your peace.
- A text a day keeps the loneliness away.
- Don’t count your drinks before they text.
- The proof is in the text bubbles.
- Every cloud has a silver texting line.
Epic & Share-Worthy Drunk Texting Puns for Every Mood 🌍
- My texts are drunk, but my love is sober.
- Cocktail therapy via keyboard.
- Every mood deserves a margarita emoji.
- If you can’t hold your drink, at least hold your phone steady.
- My happiness is 90% cocktails, 10% send button.
- Exes: the customer support line of drunk texting.
- If I text you at 2 a.m., I mean it… probably.
- Worldwide drunk texts, local regrets.
- Tipsy thumbs, universal language.
- My texts travel faster than my flights.
- Hangover cure: delete sent messages.
- The world is my bar, my phone is my diary.
- Messages fueled by mojitos are international treasures.
FAQs
What is drunk texting?
Drunk texting is when someone sends texts after drinking alcohol, usually fun, funny, or sometimes regrettable.
Why do people drunk text?
Because alcohol lowers inhibitions, people feel more confident or emotional, leading them to text things they wouldn’t normally say.
Are drunk texting puns safe to share?
Yes! These puns are clean, funny, and safe for all ages, perfect for social media or casual conversations.
Can I use these drunk texting jokes as Instagram captions?
Absolutely—they’re short, witty, and Instagram-ready.
What’s the funniest part about drunk texting?
It’s the unpredictable typos, random confessions, and the screenshots that live forever.
Conclusion
Drunk texting may not always be the smartest move, but it sure is one of the funniest. From silly puns to clever wordplay, these 146+ drunk texting jokes prove that sometimes the best way to handle awkward late-night texts is to laugh about them.
So the next time your phone lights up at 2 a.m., remember: if you’re going to text after a drink, at least make it punny. And hey—don’t forget to share this blog with your friends who could use a laugh (or a warning). Cheers to laughter, wordplay, and responsible texting! 🍷📱😂
